The Paradox of Feeling “Connected” but Alone

• Social media, in theory, was meant to unite us as a community — to connect distant locations, enable us to share our own narrative, and be less isolated. And, to some degree, it succeeds. We are able to reconnect with old friends, keep in touch with family members who are abroad, or connect with another human being based on an interest.
• But the irony is this: the more time people spend swiping on endless streams, the lonelier people are getting. Why? Internet connectivity does not equate with human connection. A “like” is not a hug. A heart symbol is not a conversation in which someone is actually hearing you.
• One of the largest culprits of loneliness on social media is the perception of perfection. We’re seeing people’s vacation shots, enjoying nice meals, or celebrating special events — and we’re in our bed at midnight swiping. We begin to wonder about the question: “Am I missing out? Why can’t my life be like theirs?”
• With time, continuous comparison dulls self-confidence and gets individuals more apart from each other, ironically alone in the midst of interaction.

 The Erasure of Significant Conversation

Consider it — how vacuous does most of our online communication get? A “happy birthday” ? on another person’s news feed or a two-word reply to a photo. They’re polite, but they never give the kind of closeness we have with real human touch, with shared laughter with folks around you, or even with quiet sitting together with someone in front of you.

Face-to-face relationships are content and exposure-oriented — things that so many transitory, ephemeral electronic communications do not possess.

 Mental Health Perspective

Social media overuse was found by researchers to be associated with more loneliness, anxiety, and depression. Ongoing beeps, fear of missing out (FOMO), and need to “stay in the know” online can drain a person and emotionally exhaust them. Instead of a sense of belongingness, it may give them a sense of “plugged in but alone.”

 But It’s Not All Bad

• And finally, there is the advantage that can be gained. For some — particularly the lonely, the timid, or physically alone — social media is a life preserver. Support groups, Internet forums for mental illness, or simply being online in touch with old acquaintances can give them confidence. The secret is how we use them:
• Are we participating in substantial discussions, or mere mindless scrolling?
• Are we commenting to individuals we truly care about, or do we merely seek their approval.

Balance

• Social media is not required to be loneliness. The secret is balance. As an extra — not as a replacement — for human-to-human contact. Such as:
• Call over comment: A voice or video call can be more powerful than a ” on a post.
• Curate your feed: You have to be following individuals and accounts that inspire or motivate you, and not others that cause you to compare.
• Moments of digital detox: Spend some time of being offline and hanging out with the folks around you in real life.
• Social media isn’t good or bad — it’s a tool. But, just as with any tool, it is what we do with it. If we only use it as an intermediary to other human beings, then yes, it will certainly foster more loneliness. But if we use it smartly — to form genuine relationships, to communicate straight and straight and openly, and to keep in touch with others we can be intimate with too — then it will enrich our lives.
• Ultimately, no million likes or million followers can ever equal the hollowness of not having gotten the thrill of being deeply seen and understood by the one who loves you.